Have you ever wondered why some people can talk to strangers? Why do some people seem to have the natural ability to create a rapport with others, while others struggle to keep the conversation going? Is it charm or something else?
The secret tool is called mirroring. The basics of this interpersonal tool are simple. When you encounter others, simply try to match your personality as close as you can to theirs. Try to sense the person’s energy level, pace, friendliness, sense of humor, and attitude.
Energy and pace may sound similar, but they are different. Energy can be high but pace may be slow when you browse in a shop. When you don’t feel well, energy is low but the pace may be high in order to get home to bed quickly.
Friendliness is how much you are open to interacting with others. Friendliness can be easily sensed. People usually feel more comfortable with strangers that aren’t overly-friendly, but are willing to acknowledge them. We’ve all been in stores where the friendliness level was so high that it made you a bit anxious and other stores where it was so low that you felt like an intruder. We each have our own set level that feels right to us, and if we pay attention we can tell others’ levels as well.
We all know people that laugh at anything and others that barely crack a smile. Humor is a fleeting thing and we should always take care in this area of mirroring. What you think is funny is not always funny to others. If you think the other person is open to humor, tread carefully. The best thing to joke about is yourself, because you generally won’t offend anyone else!
Attitude is important to identify but not always to mirror. Mirror a happy, excited, positive attitude when you encounter it. Don’t, on the other hand, mirror someone who is aggressive, angry or depressed. Try for a neutral attitude in those cases. Anything too happy might offend them.
If you make a conscious effort to mirror the next person you encounter, the results may surprise you. Your efforts to match the other person’s personality will make him more comfortable and willing to interact with you. You can train yourself to assess people’s moods within seconds and adapt to them, giving you the advantage of a more natural rapport with customers. Your customers won’t be able to tell you are trying to be more like them, but they will like you a little bit more!
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